Bell Hooks: Selling Hot Pussy, A Response

lotion down

by Ebony Booth

in the sanctuary of bed and bathroom

just past midnight

time to enjoy quiet

time to enjoy alone

time to be naked

think about what thirty five years

can do to a black girl’s heart

what does that many stilettos and summers do

to ball and heel of a foot

ashen from too hot shower

during december in the desert

sure of every inch of her body

she meditates in harmony 

with breath and heartbeat in three parts

her thoughts clatter against working class walls

recalls the giggles and smiles on the birthday boy's face

twenty dollars in exchange for the magic she made

love and happiness lulled a whole house to sleep

satisfied with the silence

grateful for an empty bed

warm room and cool sheets

a downpour of hot water is

the promise of survival

time to steam and sweat and scrub

slough away the rough underside

of errands and meal plans

there used to be time to extract black heads

there used to be time to tweeze errant hairs

there used to be time for imported coconut and pineapple

sugar scrubbed against the back of her thighs

where the skin is stubborn

grey hairs are also stubborn

grown men and small children are just as stubborn

she sautés dinner, flesh and ego

until tender

until the honey pours fast and covers everything

until every body else gets what she gives

welcomes the near scalding water

welcomes the guilt of such a commodity

welcomes the immediacy of ambivalence

sings louder to drown guilt and tears

the only place they die

standing up in the shower

she kneads coconut oil and body butter into

her hind parts and pushes the thanklessness of

the previous thirty six hours

down and out through the tips of her

unpainted toes  

how she misses pedicures

she anoints her temple with scented oil

and prays for courage without callous

performs alchemy between her palms

oil and water infuse while she hums

she will forget this melody once the jars and tubes of salve

have been stowed

and the steam evaporates

and the mirror reveals dark circles of eyes and nipples

and the ornery skin on the back of her thigh lifts goose pimples

one final pass over every part

neck

shoulders

breasts

back of arms

elbows

forearms

wrists

each side

abdomen

spend more time in this place

check the healing progress of

five small scars splayed across

a torso devoid of stretch marks

evidence of an attempt to preserve fertility

evidence of an exercise in futility

evidence of what remains inside

she turns sideways to see how

happy she could imagine herself

if her stomach were to spread from the inside

with more than what remains

with life this time

with a miracle for her

hips

ass

thighs

knees

calves

heels

soles

and toes

reads her body like braille

remembers the deaths she has survived

dresses the wounds

oils the scars

repeats the truth as she now knows it

keeps a log of where the exits are

sleeps naked to tempt the empty side of

cool sheets in a warm room